The ‘Bring A Dish’ Party

Here at Romaniac HQ we have not one, not two but three March birthdays! Has there ever been a better excuse to throw a party?

The Birthday Trio – Laura, Sue, & Catherine

Now parties don’t normally come with rules apart from when they do. To join the party you have to bring something with you, as the title suggests. As host of this party, I need you to bring FOOD, lovely imaginary FOOD! If you are anything like me your social media will be filled with people on the 5:2 diet, so if that’s you, imaginary food will be just what you need. As for me, I’m on the eating for three diet. This involves expanding your waistline massively whilst adhering to a list of forbidden foods. No alcohol, no goat’s cheese, no soft boiled eggs – the list goes on.

So here is the deal: please come along and celebrate our birthdays with a bottle or dish in hand. Perhaps share a recipe with forbidden ingredients so I can drool and dream of the day when I can once again eat such delights. Or if you’ve given up something for Lent, bring the dish you plan to eat at the end of the 40 days. Or if you are on a diet then bring something highly calorific. There is one other option. Of course ‘a dish’ could be interpreted as a handsome date so feel free to bring one of those with you.

Here is my contribution. I discovered its total awesomeness yesterday. It’s called a Cherpumple. What’s that you wonder? It’s three pies baked in three cakes to make one big cake! If you want to know how to make one and to see it in all its glory, head here: http://vittlemonster.com/2011/09/07/how-to-make-a-cherpumple-successfully/ Go looksie. Your life will be better for it… promise.

Catherine x

Now let’s see what the other Romaniacs are bringing to tempt you to the party…

Laura: Excuse me whilst I reinsert my eyes – they popped out at the sight of the pie cake. MAGNIFICENT!

I like salty nuts. Especially the jumbo ones. I’ll supply some rather expensive macadamia and cashews, to go with a bucket of buttered popcorn.

Mmm. Salted, buttered popcorn.

Ooo – I just thought of maple brazils, which are quite possibly the sweetest thing my tongue has ever experienced. Who wouldn’t enjoy the sensation of the golden fondant melting in the mouth, exposing the firm body of a naked brazil?

And I could be talked into supplying Baileys.

And a hot tub filled with Maltesers.

Which I might bathe in with Johnny Depp.

Jan: Red, White or Rose? Oh, what the hell! I’ll bring all three (in abundance) with, hmmm… let me think…ooh, I know… a CHOCOLATE platter. Oh, yes! Milk, Dark, White, Nutty, Fruity, Rum-laden, Honeycomb, Minty, Orangey… Shall I go on? And to help me stagger along under the weight of this delectable choccie delight? Well, if Mr Penry Jones is free and in the party spirit, he can come along for a nibble

This is a picture of a Romaniac fridge – get the idea?

Celia: Well, obviously I’ll be bringing cake – the one in the picture isn’t for the girls, none of them are 90 yet…or so they say…anyway, there will be a splendid birthday cake oozing with fruit and all things sticky, with marzipan and icing on top and all their names in a row. I will also throw in some stilton and home made oatcakes, a couple of jars of anchovy stuffed olives and a magnum of champagne (plus some apple juice for Catherine). And Roger Daltrey. He’s for me, not for the birthday girls. Just saying.

Sue : Well I would have to bring cup cakes. I know Celia has done a lovely birthday cake, but I’d bring the cup cakes for the party bags at the end. I’d also bring party hats, party poppers and balloons – if anyone could invent some edible ones that would be fantastic.

Vanessa: Okay – so we’re covered for cakes and chocolate (not covered in cake and chocolate, that’s a whole different party…) and Jan’s bringing the wine… So I think I’ll contribute the CHAMPAGNE! At least a dozen bottles as we have so much to celebrate this year – birthdays and Romaniac twins and book deals and competition wins… And maybe something substantial to soak up the alcohol and balance out all the sugar – fish and chips for all!

Debbie: Oh, I do love a good party. Happy birthday to my friends in advance. It’s lovely to have something to celebrate!

I shall be doing what we Romaniacs do best – drinking wine and eating cake! And I’m afraid, with regards to bringing something to the party, it’s more cake from me. As well as being the Queen of wine; red, white, rose (I don’t care as long as it isn’t German or a Chardonnay,) I’m also domestic Goddess in the Lemon Drizzle Cake department. I have a recipe if you’d like it?

As for a date; I don’t need a man! Cake, wine and my Romaniac buddies…what more could a girl ask for?

Having it all?

It’s no good, I want it all. I want to be a multi-tasking, never-ending ball of energy that writes a book every three weeks and still has time for a manicure and the gym. How is it possible for someone to tweet so well about the three tasks they are carrying out when I can barely manage to tweet, let alone tweet whilst doing something?

I’ve come to the conclusion these multi-tasking people must have some tricks up their sleeves. Here are a few of my theories:

• They have far whizzier brains than me. They know what to do to get all the info to all the places all at once. I’m sure I could figure it out, if only I had the time!
• They must have a PA making up for the time that seems to disappear into the ether in my world.
• They don’t sleep. How else are they fitting in the gym and manicures?
• It’s all lies. I’ve seen lots of pictures of costa coffee drinks whilst people are waiting to do something exciting. Who’s to say it’s not the same cup over and over again? They’re just making out they’re waiting on the cusp of glory whilst I’m sat on the sofa in my PJs wondering why I’m not enjoying the glory of a coffee outside of the house.

OK, I admit it, I’m jealous. It’s just I want to be the all powerful, taking on the world woman, but I may be forced to admit that she’s gone. Only temporarily, mind. For the past few months I’ve been taken over. My only priorities in life have been eating, drinking, peeing and sleeping. What’s caused such a change? Well, these two…

Romaniac Twins

So even though my brainpower has disappeared, my concentration is out the window as soon as I see a food advert, well, I don’t mind a bit. As my other Romaniacs have told me, the writing can wait and we’ve also decided the blog will be a bit quieter as I become accustomed to my new life as a mum of twins (due same time as the Royal baby) and the other Romaniacs get on with their WIPs.

I know, you’re excited as I am to discover how long it takes me to work out how to pop on my make-up, deal with shitty nappies and tweet about it at the same time. Okay, I lied. I won’t be using any make-up FOR MONTHS. But you’ll never know. I only plan to tweet pictures of costa coffee cups and if you twist my arm, some cute twinnie photos!

Catherine x

Birthday Celebrations – The Romaniacs are one year old!

Happy birthday to us, Happy birthday to us, Happy birthday Dear Romaniacs, Happy birthday to us!

Ok, Ok, so I’m two days early. But who says we can’t start the celebrations a little early. Here at Romaniac HQ, we’ve been celebrating all weekend and we plan for it to continue all week, too. So why not come and join us for a celebratory glass of champers and a slice of cake and let’s get this party started!

A year ago, on February 13th 2012, we launched our blog to the writing world. When we decided to do this, we had no idea how we would be perceived. Would people like us? Would people bother to read what we have to say?

Would people think we’re nuts?

But the response has been truly amazing. People did like us. People were logging in and reading and sharing our posts. And most importantly people do realise that yes, we are a bit nuts! But that’s OK, because we never claimed to be anything but.

The sheer amount of support and encouragement we have received, both as a group and individuals, over the last year has surpassed anything we ever could have imagined. We always knew that the writing industry was a supportive, positive community, but I don’t think anything could have prepared us for what lay ahead.

So in the spirit of birthday celebrations, we got talking about some of our favourite – and worst – celebrations growing up. They weren’t all necessarily birthday celebrations and some needed censoring so much, we felt best to keep those in the archive folders!

However, I’ll start the ball rolling. My worst birthday party memory wasn’t actually for mine, but for my older sisters. There is five years between us and I was but a nipper at the time and she had all her friends over for a party. In our garden we had a huge shed – we lived in a flat and it was the communal shed so you can imagine how big it was – and she and her friends were playing chase. I wanted to play. I ventured into the garden and saw them all running rings around said shed. Stupidly, to catch up, I ran around the shed but in the OPPOSITE direction to around 15 children. You can see how this story ends, can’t you? Yep, I spent the rest of the party upstairs, on the sofa with a bruised and battered face. It wasn’t a good party for me.

On the flip side, my best party – so far I hasten to add, I’m planning on having many more! – was for my 21st. It wasn’t a big ‘do’ but I had only just had my daughter and I had been dieting and training for months and months in preparation for my 21st and I lost 2 stone and got into the size 8 dress I had bought. I felt great. Some of mine and my husband’s friends came back to our house after the club shut (mine and my husband’s birthdays are 3 days apart so we always have joint celebrations) and we carried on partying until the morning. It was a brilliant night.

We would love to hear your best and worst party experiences. I’ll leave you with some messages from the girls about theirs. Here’s to another fantastic year. Cheers!

Lucie x

Celia: Crikey, Lucie; you’ve said it all! Huge thanks to everyone who has visited our blog over the last year and given us your witty, supportive comments. Now, parties…

My worst one has got to be a Halloween do when I was about nine. I was a Brownie at the time, and we were all invited to our Sixer’s birthday. I only had a hazy idea about Halloween up to that point – I knew witches came into it somewhere, but as the world’s wimpiest child, I had never got up to speed on how people celebrated it. The mum in charge of the party had some great ideas. She had blacked out an entire room and hung it with fake cobwebs, rattling bones etc, there was an atmospheric ghostly soundtrack and we were blindfolded and led through one at a time, touching and listening to various things which got scarier and scarier. The finale was having our hand plunged into a bowl of sheep’s eyeballs. I’ve never felt the same about a peeled grape since that day.

The best wasn’t a birthday, it was my second wedding in 2008 (I’ve only had the two, in case that makes me sound like a female Bluebeard.). We decided to just have the best bits of a wedding, i.e.massive amounts of home-made cake, no speeches, no official photo session where the guests are starving and everyone loses the will to live, a small, warm venue so it would be cosy (it was a frosty night on December 29th) the most delicious food we could order and a late afternoon wedding so we could go straight into the serious eating and champagne quaffing. It was magical. I think I might have been quite, quite drunk.

Vanessa: Well, my best is easy – on my 29^h birthday, Tim, my boyfriend at the time, took me to Cornwall for the weekend. We tried to stay in a beautiful old pub in Mousehole, right on the quay, with beams and a roaring fire … but it was full, so we ended up in an odd B&B that smelled of kippers. We tried to have dinner at one of the quay front pubs or restaurants but they were all full, so we ended up eating fish in a strange bright blue sauce at a cold restaurant where we were the only customers. Then, as we walked along the seafront, Tim proposed and it became the best birthday ever – kippers, blue sauce and all.

The worst is more difficult… because I love birthdays, always have. I always take the day off work and have a totally indulgent day. I think my worst birthday was my saddest – the last I got to celebrate with my best friend Suzanne. She’d been ill for a long time, but I’d been in denial, waiting for a miracle cure. That night was the night I finally accepted the truth and the last time we got to go out before she died.

Sue : I’ve never in my life had a birthday party … cue violins and sad music Never had a party as a child and never as an adult but that’s okay, as to be honest, I wouldn’t find being the centre of attention any fun at all. I much prefer going to other people’s parties, so much more relaxing and enjoyable. I’ve had quite a few family birthdays this year and they all have been great fun.

On the flip side, I have been to a few which haven’t been quite so successful. My friend’s 21st springs immediately to mind. All had been going well until late into the evening, after much drinking and merriment, my brother (Nick) and I hit the dance floor – that was our first mistake. The second came quite quickly after the first, Nick and I decided we could jive and were doing reasonably well, holding hands we were swinging each other backwards and forwards across in a kind of jive/barn dance sort of way. Mistake number 3 was the speed at which we attempted this with rather sweaty hands. I guess I must have been stronger than I thought. Sensing Nick was waning, I gave a particularly sudden and fast yank on his hand which, together with increased momentum, sent him whizzing past me in a blur of legs and arms, Frank Spencer style. I could only watch in horror as he went crashing into the disco lights; the scene reminiscent of a Jean Michel Jarre light and laser display.  It was certainly a party to remember, probably for all the wrong reasons.

Jan: I’ve been to many great parties over the years but one that evokes such fond memories for me is the surprise party my sisters and I organised (along with several much appreciated volunteers) as part of Mum and Dad’s 30th wedding anniversary celebrations. My younger sister and I were still living at home which, of course, made things a lot easier to manage. On the big night, my older sister and her husband, acting as decoys, took them out for a meal. As soon as their car rounded the corner of our road, me, sis and various friends & neighbours swung into action, fetching and carrying all the booze which had been stashed in a neighbour’s garage, blowing up balloons, wheeling in the cake and making sandwiches. Our aunty Heather was on bread buttering duty whilst the rest of us washed, sliced and diced all the fillers. We had to make sure the steady stream of guests arriving had parked out of sight so Mum’s eagle eye didn’t spot any familiar cars on their return. It really was like the proverbial military operation and a great success. It still makes us laugh remembering Mum’s utter disbelief at not cottoning on to our scheming.

As for the worst party, well a front-runner would have to be one I attended with a friend in my late teens. The phrase ‘One man and his Dog’ sprung to mind as we walked into the venue, there were so few guests. Add to that, strip lighting, warm wine, a Tarzan -o-gram for the host and the DJ’s decks blowing up halfway through the evening, and you get the picture. Cue stampede (or should I say, trickle) to the pub round the corner!

Laura: My tale is simple and short. My most and least favourite celebration was my last birthday, March 2012. Everything at home was perfect. I received surprise gifts, which were truly wonderful, cards and messages from many friends, and short-list notification of the first Choc Lit short story competition. Ahead was the prospect of a great summer, out and about with my family, including my mother who, the day before, had endured a difficult, but at that point, successful operation.
Why the mixed feelings? It was the last birthday I shared with my lovely mum.

Catherine: Worst? Well, you did ask. It was the winter of 2002. I was 21 and about to enjoy my first Physiotherapy Department Christmas Party. The day before I’d completed a junior rotation in care of the elderly and I was ready to let my hair down. Dinner started with a lovely Minestrone Soup. Only it didn’t seem so lovely. In fact, I was feeling decidedly queasy. It didn’t take me long to realise why I was feeling so ill. No, it wasn’t the soup. It was the dreaded norovirus. A nice leaving gift from my rotation. I was chucking up before the main course arrived and managed to get safely home before performing the party trick that involves a toilet and a bowl. So not the evening I’d had in mind.

The best? I’m going to be greedy and pick 3! My Nan and Grandad’s Ruby, Golden and Diamond anniversary parties. I was 8 at the first party. It was in a church hall with lots of family and friends and I got roped in waitressing duties with my cousins. I remember talking about the next party when I’d be 18 and being very excited about it. And before you know it, you’re 18 and at the next party!

The Way We Were…

This week, more Romaniacs take a trip down Memory Lane, thinking of the influences and experiences that have shaped us and remembering The Way We Were…

We would love to know where your writing aspirations began and what your memories of that time are.

Vanessa: I grew up in a small village on the edge of nowhere – no library, no bookshop, no cafes. It was pre-Amazon, pre-Sky TV, pre-mobile phones. When I was younger, I was out all the time – off on my bike for hours, building dens, climbing trees. Home for Corona pop and Blue Peter on TV. Idyllic when you’re nine. Heading for teenage years, however, where and when I was growing up became more limiting. Entertainment for teenagers was non-existent – you either hung around in bus shelters, brushing up on your biology skills or stayed at home, waiting to be eighteen.

I stayed at home – I never was any good at science. Stayed at home in my legwarmers and batwing sleeve jumpers knitted by my nan, trying to learn all the words to Karma Chameleon and how to walk in stiletto heels. In 2013, as I face my first year without either of my parents, I have to thank them for setting me on the path to becoming a writer – by bringing me up in a house full of books. In those long teenage years, waiting for grown-up life to begin, I was such a voracious reader, I read anything and everything in that house – my dad’s Alistair MacLeans and Stephen Kings, my mum’s Danielle Steeles and Catherine Cookson – I’d even be queuing up on a Thursday to read my brother’s 2000AD after he’d finished.

On long, rainy Saturday afternoons, when nothing was on TV but horse racing or darts, I’d lose myself in a book, and when I really couldn’t face reading Tilly Trotter or Ice Station Zebra for the fiftieth time, I got out my exercise books, the ones covered in anaglypta wallpaper and painted, and wrote my own stories. Terrible ones, really really terrible – can you imagine the stories written by a teenager, influenced by Catherine Cookson AND Alistair MacLean?? But I’d discovered the thrill of writing, of inventing and controlling my own worlds. Rainy afternoons when there’s nothing on the telly have never been boring since.

Catherine: I can’t be the only one who spent their childhood with her head in the clouds and can’t remember half of it? The things I do remember: days on the beach (10 minute walk away), camping with the brownies and guides (nan was Brown Owl and mum was the guide leader so I joined up very early), spending time at Nan and Grandad’s with the tent up in the back garden with mini sandwiches and ice cream soda. It’s possible I grew up in an Enid Blyton book, but then I’m highlighting the good bits.

Like the other girls, I developed a love of reading. I was given special teaching because of my dyslexia and my homework involved lots of reading aloud to my relatives. I loved it and by aged 7 I’d developed the reading ability of an 11 year old. Nancy Drew was by far my favourite.

Lucie: I was one of the late starters when it came to writing and reading. Sometimes I feel a bit of a fraud when I hear others say that their whole childhood from an incredibly young age, was reading and writing and making up stories. It wasn’t the same for me. Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy reading and I often penned a few tales down, but nothing really seriously. Not until I got into secondary school did it occur to me how much I loved reading and writing. I still briefly remember a story I wrote in year 9 – it was awful, looking back, but it really kick started my writing skills, I think. It was about a girl who was at a house and someone had broken in and she had to get away. It was typically dark and in the middle of nowhere so it involved lots of running and falling over and trying to escape… See, I told you, not very good! But it was a start.

I didn’t have lots of books growing up. My family wasn’t very well off so money went on things like clothes, uniform and food. But I did manage to collect the ‘Goosebumps’ series and I inherited the ‘Point Horror’ series from my sister, which I loved to read. And In my early teens, I read ‘Earth Abides’ by George R Stewart and absolutely loved it! I really want to read it again soon – It can go on the huge TBR pile….

Now, you will notice a weird pattern here; Goosebumps books, Point Horror and my year 9 story of escaping a psycho. Yet I now write romance? For me, I loved to write. I didn’t have a clue as to what genre’s were, or which I wanted to write within, I just liked writing. The more I began to write, the more I broadened my horizons when It came to reading and that’s when I discovered romance novels. So truthfully, I was not a serious writer until I hit 20. Which is why I sometimes feel a fraud. But I can assure you that just because my passion came later, it is still very much running through my veins and is what makes me who I am today.

Tuesday Chit Chat with Alison Sherlock

We’re getting ready for Christmas at Romaniac HQ and today we have author, Alison Sherlock joining us. Alison, can I get you a mulled wine and a minced pie?

Just the mince pie, thanks.  Or maybe two.  After all, it is nearly Christmas!  I’ll pass on the mulled wine, though.  I’ve always felt there’s something a bit compost-y about it.  So, a nice cup of tea would be lovely.  Unless you’ve got some champagne stashed away back there …?

As your debut novel is The Desperate Bride’s Diet Club, we wanted to know if you had any dieting tips?  We Romaniacs have failed miserably on that front this year.

I would love to tell you that I am the next Rosemary Conley but my waistline will show you otherwise!  I do really think it’s a case of eating sensibly and exercising frequently.  The slimmest I have ever been was when I was a cleaner.  Eight hours of physical work a day and the weight just dropped off!

The idea for the Desperate Bride’s Diet Club actually came from some online bride-to-be forums I was loitering around when I was getting married.  There were all these crazy women just drinking juice in a desperate attempt to lose three stone because they had bought a wedding dress three sizes too small!  It was madness.  Everything in moderation is the key.  If a carb-free diet works for you, then great.  Although for me personally, a life without a slice of buttered toast or a crunchy roast potato just isn’t worth living!

I love the opening scene when Violet grabs the last remaining M&S Chocolate Cake out of a stranger’s hands to go home and eats the whole thing herself.  Have you ever done anything similar?

Let’s just say there’s a certain branch of Waitrose that I’m no longer allowed into …!  No, just kidding!  One of the best things about writing is that your characters can go anywhere and do absolutely anything that you could never get away with in real life!  I may be physically sitting at a battered Ikea desk in deep Surrey with a snoring dog next to me but in my mind I’m wandering through an Italian delicatessen or going to a Valentine’s Ball in a stunning dress.  Writing is, quite frankly, bonkers and I think only other writers can truly understand the madness that lies within us all!
Your second novel has been retitled The Desperate Wife’s Survival Plan – was it your idea to change the title and what led to that decision?

It was the lovely sales team at Arrow who have declared me the ‘Desperate’ author!  Everyone reacted so positively to the title of The Desperate Bride’s Diet Club that they thought it prudent to carry on the theme.

As it happens, the title covers the story line very well.  The Desperate Wife’s Survival Plan is about Charley Summers whose pampered life suddenly spirals out of control when she is declared bankrupt.  She loses everything but her friends and her love of making ice-cream.  The next twelve months are all about survival – from becoming a cleaner to discovering money can’t buy you love.  All with a little help from her friends, of course!

What are you writing at the moment?

I’m in the early stages of my third book.  It’s set in the same village as the previous two novels and I’m still considering bringing the ghastly Trudie from the diet club into the story somewhere!  She was evil but so much fun to write!  I don’t want to jinx it but at the moment the writing is going quite well.  However I’m sure that the doom and despair part of writing every novel is lurking just around the corner.  As always, I shall fight my way through the darkness by lurking on Twitter, playing Spider Solitaire, baking homemade cookies and any other displacement activities that I can think up!

Could you tell us more about the ‘chance’ meeting with a literary agent at Winchester’s Writer’s Conference?

The Winchester Writer’s Conference is held every Summer and is a great meeting point for writers of all abilities.  They also set-up 15 minute one-to-one sessions with agents – sort of like speed-dating but far more scary!  I had two sessions booked by the organisers – but both agents cancelled at the last minute so they squeezed me into a quick timeslot with Judith Murdoch who had a fearsome reputation for speaking bluntly.

Trying to be brave, I handed Judith the first couple of pages of a book I had been working on.  It was long, flowing prose – my attempt at the Booker Prize!  She shot me down in flames and told me outright that it was complete rubbish!  Of course, she was right!  I wasn’t listening to my inner writing voice.  I was trying to be something I wasn’t.

Judith then asked if I had any other work with me so I shakily handed her one page of a story I had been messing about with.  I’m still not even sure why I took it with me.  But she giggled at a funny line I had inserted about half way down the page.  ‘This is much better,’ she told me.  ‘Go away and write like this.’  So I did.

My first two manuscripts were almost signed by various publishers but never quite made it.  Then my third book, The Desperate Wife’s Diet Club, was snapped up by Arrow.  I owe everything to Judith.  She stuck by me for eight years and three books, continually assuring me that I would be published.  And, as always, she was right.

You have a dog called Harry. What’s the daftest thing he’s ever done?

Dear Lord, where to start?  So, here is the beast …

As you can see, he is the living example of beauty but absolutely no brains.  The other day he literally walked into a lampost.  We have a low childgate at the kitchen door – Harry is the size of a small pony and could quite easily jump over it but he hasn’t worked out that he can.  He is scared of the hoover, the loft ladder, tin foil and, currently, the Christmas tree.

Unfortunately, he isn’t scared of mud.  This is the ‘after’ picture.

People were literally pointing and laughing as we headed home after our walk recently.

He’s daft and, on occasion, extremely smelly, but I wouldn’t be without him for the world.

FB or twitter?

Twitter.  I’ve only been on there a year and I love it!  The gossip, the chat, the funny quips!  Writing can be such an isolated living and Twitter is great from bringing that office chatter to your desk.  I truly wish it had been around when I first started writing all those years ago.

Hawaii or Norfolk?

Norfolk.  I’m sure Hawaii is lovely but the whole heat factor is a nightmare in the style stakes.  Humidity + naturally curly hair =  barely being able to fit through doorways.
Chocolate cake or mince pies?

Chocolate cake.  Mince pies are for christmas but chocolate cake is for life!
Hot chocolate or mulled wine?

Hot chocolate. Yum!

Thank you so much for inviting me to the fantastic Romaniac HQ and Happy Christmas everyone!  Now, how about another mince pie?  With all that fruit, surely they only count as one of our five a day?!

Oh, yes. They must be, right? Thank you so much for joining us, Alison and getting into the Christmas spirit with us. We look forward to your second novel and  I can recemmend your first as a great Christmas present.

Catherine x

You googled WHAT?

When researching a storyline it’s not uncommon to google something peculiar and not in keeping with your day to day life. Baby Number Two is my current WIP and from the title you can already imagine there will be some interesting google searches during its completion. What really fascinates me though (’cause I’m a bit sad like that) is what search terms lead people to The Romaniacs blog. There are of course the sensible ones, but you don’t want to hear about them. I thought I’d share the Top 10 random search terms that have brought people here:

1) Robert Pattinson body hair

Erm… we haven’t stolen it, honest!

2) Young sperm

This was a cleanish search term. Just to let you know – mention sperm on your blog and you get extra hits as a result.

3) What the world needs is a group hug

I’m inclined to agree and I’m very glad when someone was looking for a group hug they found us.

4) This girl said we are kindred souls

One of The Romaniacs? They are so fickle.

5) Sainsburys singles night

I’m itching to add apostrophes. I do want to know more about this. Do they have an allocated time when you all meet in the pizza aisle?

6) grange hill sausage

I don’t even know what to say about this. Just why? And what?

7) is your name yasmin chat up line

I don’t think it was The Romaniacs they were after. Unless… anyone been putting on a husky voice to fund their writing endeavours?

8) should i get spanx or m & s underwear

Good question. Doubt we helped with the answer. Personally, I have M & S suck it all in pants.

9) subliminal messages to get someone to marry you

Hmm… this has to be a girl asking this, right? In which case, boys don’t do subliminal. Make it obvious or it won’t work. Take them shopping and gasp at gorgeous diamond rings when you pass window displays. That should do the trick.

10) just ate big bag of cadbury buttons !!

You are my kind of person. This is exactly the kind of behaviour The Romaniacs encourage.

Of course, I have skipped over some search terms, but judging by the majority, we could set up an agony aunt column answering all the questions that arrive here. Although each answer would involve reading a good book.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve had to look up on the computer? And what strange search terms have you discovered on your blog/website? Any questions that google hasn’t helped with and you want The Romaniacs to tackle?

Your Agony Aunt, Catherine x

The Pre-Party Beauty Regime

It’s hard to believe that writers aren’t glamour, glamour, glamour all the time. In their photos they always appear to sparkle. But once you’ve spent a while as a writer you know it’s more PJs and dressing gowns with toast crumbs down your top. So for any social occasion, particularly ones where you know there will be cameras in use, a week-long beauty regime must begin. With the Festival of Romance this weekend and the RNA Winter Party the following Wednesday, The Romaniacs are in the full throes of preparation.

Catherine: I HAVEN’T GOT A THING TO WEAR!! Oh yes, I’m going through every woman’s biggest dilemma. I do have one dress to wear, but one dress for two parties?! I’d only planned to go to the Winter Party, but now am going to both so I’m going to have to empty the whole wardrobe only to declare there is nothing to wear (despite the whole pile of clothes!)

Sue : For several weeks now, I’ve been holding out on getting my hair done, despite the fact going out last week and realising that anybody taller than me (that’s more people than not) would be able to see my roots – boo Still, I stuck it out and waited until this Monday, now I’m all highlighted up I can take the stupid hat off I’ve been wearing!  Having bit all my nails this week, I’m now considering false ones for the weekend, although my past experience is one of them falling off into my glass of wine (that’s what you get for cheap stick on ones from the local chemist). Maybe I’ll just keep my hands tucked away.  I’ve had rather more success with my shoes – red ones (proudly displayed on FB)  for the Dinner Dance on Friday. For the erotic party on Saturday evening, well, it’s got to be  my old faithful bondage shoes … ta-da!

Jan: As someone who normally prides herself on being organised, I suddenly realised, having spouted off about how much I’m looking forward to the Winter Party, how much fun it will be, how I’m sooooooo relishing the chance to see everyone again, that it might be a good idea to actually PURCHASE a ticket. Phew! That sorted, I’m definitely with Sue on holding out on ’having the roots done’ thang. BOY, do mine need some TLC! Thankfully, they’ll be thoroughly attended to next week.  As for what to wear – well I can’t say I’m over enamoured with the contents of my wardrobe at the moment so I may well be forced to go shopping… Such tedium… How will I  cope?

Celia: Following Sue’s theme of beauty on a budget (sometimes known as being a cheap skate) I have re-browned my hair today. Unfortunately I also did the bath, the tiles and my ears. Have, again like Mme Fortin, got chewed nails so have been frantically rubbing in handcream to my cuticles to inspire growth. Was planning on losing at least a stone but unfortunately am way too greedy so have re-planned and am now on intensive training for wine consumption, purely so I don’t let myself down by being a lightweight. Not sure a whole bottle a night is strictly necessary but if one of us gets an award there might be champagne and I don’t want to slide under the table for want of a bit of practice. Also if none of us get one, there will be sorrows to drown. I rest my case. Oh, and there’s the cake training. (See picture.) nearly up to speed now.

Debbie: Well, I’m rubbing my little arthritic hands together because my ex has our youngest for the best part of the week between the Festival of Romance and Winter party. I’ll need to be very organised if I’m going to make sure I have everything for both events, particularly as I intend heading off to London for a few nights to myself in between.

I’ve started the lists; housework to do before I can leave; the boys while I’m away – uniforms, food, etc; plans for the animals, provisions for which wheely bin to put out, what to pack, wear, take with me…

At least tomorrow evening is X factor, so I’ll watch with one eye as I spend the other painting my toe nails and getting the finger nails into some sort of shape!

As for hair – best not to mention it. I had a bit of a mare last week when I went to have mine coloured and found my hairdresser was off sick and they couldn’t find my last colour card. Using a sophisticated form of guesswork I stuck a finger over the sample of coloured hair which appeared a lovely rich, Galaxy chocolate colour in the colour chart. However, suffice to say, the final result wasn’t quite what I had in mind when my eldest told me, ‘Your hair looks cool mom. It’s really ‘Goth.’

Hmm…not quite the look for someone who’s just turned the wrong side of forty! 

Laura: Oh, I don’t know, Debbie. There’s nothing wrong with a little Goth in the right place, as I shall demonstrate at the Total E-Bound party. I was going to wear my Wonder Woman boots, but can’t find clothes to match. Anyway, I promised Jane Lovering a viewing of my Goth attire, and I’m a (Wonder) woman of my word. As for the party season prep, I have my outfits sorted, footwear lined up and beautifying appointment booked. I’ve printed out all of the event tickets, successfully hassled the landlady at the ‘Romaniacs’ Guesthouse’, and have almost sorted out our Sunday Romaniacs’ Panel uniform.  Vampires or Super Heroes, ladies?

Vanessa: Well, mostly this week, I’ve been sulking because I’m not going to the Festival of Romance… but in between, I have been pulling everything out of my wardrobe and trying it on in a vain attempt to find something that a) fits and is b) vaguely partyish. The problem is I know I will dither some more and change my mind on the day, so for one night in London, I’ll probably take at least three outfits, all of which I’ll hate on party day.

As for hair/nails/accessories, I’ve got a bit longer than most of the others, because I’m not going to the Festival of Romance (have I mentioned that before?) I was very organised and booked my train tickets and party tickets last month. Now all I need to do is find them…

Lucie: *huffs and crosses arms in true teenager style* I am still in a strop about not being able to attend the Festival of Romance this year – more so because six of my wonderfully talented Romaniac friends are shortlisted for the New Talent Award. I have been promised to be kept in the loop by my friends, via text, on the night so I’ll most definitely be there in spirit. I’m also disappointed that I won’t be there for our first panel. How exciting is that? Last year at the festival, we were just being born. Attending talks and workshops and panel talks and frantically taking notes. This year, we’re holding our own. What an amazing opportunity to have after merely a year. I do hope those of you attending our talk will enjoy it, I know the girls who are holding it will do a fab job. 

However, here is what I’ll be wearing on the Friday night whilst most of you are glammed up!

Sad Lucie

On the plus side, I AM coming to the RNA Winter Party the following week. Yay!! So I can partake in the whole, ‘I have nothing to wear!’ *sob* I’ll have to raid the cupboards and maybe, just maybe, go shopping…..

Liz: Friday 16th November 2012 is not only the beginning of Festival of Romance, but it’s also Children In Need. Which is one of many explanations as to why I will be going to work dressed as Where’s Wally on Friday morning! (These ideas seem great at the time, don’t they!?)
But with some luck, I’ll remember to ditch the Where’s Wally look before venturing to the Gala Dinner and Awards night!
I’ve found a few dresses to choose from for Festival of Romance and the RNA Winter Party, however all leave me looking in desperate need of a tan! So I’ve reluctantly booked in for a spray tan, which is going to go one of two ways…….

So, that’s us. Are you ready for the partying to commence?

Sound the Trumpets!

We’re many things here at Romaniac HQ: Zany, Dotty, Forthright, to name a few. We’ll let you add your own description below, but we have another to add to the list. And this one deserves capitalisation. ‘Cause here at Romaniac HQ, it turns out we’re TALENTED! Last Friday we found out that not one, not two, but SIX of us have been shortlisted for the Festival of Romance New Talent Award. We’ve been slightly blindsided by the whole thing. We’ve started talking faster than usual, carrying out spontaneous bursts of dance and repeating using Victor Meldrew’s line: ‘I don’t believe it!’ Here are our shortlisted first chapters. We’re adding them here in the hope it’ll sink in:

Little Boxes by Celia Anderson

Once Upon A… Secret by Sue Fortin

Follow Me by Laura James

Baby Number Two by Catherine Miller

The Perfect Life List by Vanessa Savage

Smiling Through The Pain by Debbie White

Celia, Laura, Sue, Debbie, Catherine & Vanessa

We’re all delighted to have been shortlisted and looking forward to cheering on the authors from the other grown-up categories as well as cheering on the New Talent winners.

If you’re interested in setting up an online group like this one, The Romaniacs will be giving a talk about it on the Sunday at The Festival of Romance. Our group sprung up from the FOR last year and I think we can safely say the support and encouragement we give each other seems to be working.

We’d also like to make a disclaimer. If perchance one of us does get selected for a mention at the gala dinner, we cannot be held responsible for our actions. We’d also appreciate it if you could withhold from video recording the fainting/crying/whooping/fainting again and placing it on You Tube.

Fingers crossed until then,

Catherine x

PS: We’re scraping modest from our list of qualities. Well, it’s not often this kind of thing happens!

Roving Romaniac: Vintage Tea at the Little, Brown offices with author, Vanessa Greene.

I’ve been out on a covert operation and managed to infiltrate the little, brown offices. Well, ok, I was invited, I didn’t just break in. I was there for a special event – a vintage tea – to celebrate The Vintage Teacup Club by Vanessa Greene.

I promised the other Romaniacs that I’d get a few pictures of the offices so we can all drool over them and dream of the day when we get invited there as one of their authors.

It was every bit as grand and I was hoping. It was shiny, with massive sofas and books galore. I would have liked to live there for a week to carry out a sponsored readathon, but my giddy smile would give away the fact they’d have trouble kicking me out.

So instead I tried to act as sensibly as a Romaniac can. I didn’t once go up to someone sitting innocently at a computer and ask if they wanted to sign 9 nutty, but lovely writers. Instead I found myself sharing a lift with Vanessa, the author of The Vintage Teacup Club and by the end of the event convinced her to join us on the blog to answer a few questions.

Q: If you could take afternoon tea with any celebrity, who would it be and why?

Benedict Cumberbatch would make a pretty gentlemanly tea-date, don’t you think? I developed a bit of a crush on him in the recent series of Sherlock, and then Parade’s End sealed the deal – he has a really magnetic, quirky charm. Alternatively (and so my boyfriend doesn’t get miffed) a nice natter about books with Mariella Frostrup over cake would make for a great afternoon.

Q: If you could visit any era for 24 hours, which would you choose and why?

It would have to be London during the Blitz. I’m so curious about what the reality of wartime life was like – what did women like us find to laugh about, how did they help each other cope? What was it like falling in love then, when your world could change in a moment? On a lighter note, I love dancing, so I’d definitely seek out an underground party I could swing at!

Q: Is there anything that you collect? Vintage teacups, pretty hardback books and antique postcards.

Q: What value do you place on history and how does this relate to the book?

I think our past, and also our family histories, are an important part of who we are, whether we realise it or not, and so that is one of the themes of the novel.

In The Vintage Teacup Club all three of the women – Jenny, Alison and Maggie – are confronted by aspects of their past, and their village’s past, that they haven’t properly understood or dealt with. Together, they are able to work through those hidden histories and truly move on in their own lives.

In a way that’s true of my family history too. My father was German, and my mother is English – so during World War II my grandfathers were, essentially, fighting each other. As I was born in London and feel English, I used to find it difficult to understand how my German grandfather could have fought on Hitler’s side. But when my German grandmother died, and we went through the letters her husband sent from the front line, you could see how much he loved her, and how delighted he was at the news that he was going to be a father. Sadly, he was killed before he had a chance to meet his son, my dad. I realised reading those letters and seeing photos that both grandfathers were human first, and soldiers second – both were doing what they felt was right.

Q: Milk in first or second? Now this one’s far easier! I like to surprise myself by varying this. Simple pleasures.

Q: Do you have a favourite tea advert?

It’s not an advert, but I loved the bit in the series Homeland where Carrie almost blows her cover by mentioning Brody’s liking for Yorkshire Gold tea. It’s my favourite brand (my boyfriend, who’s from Yorkshire, introduced me to it) and I went straight out in the ad break to make us a cuppa!

Quick Fire:

Cup or Mug? For special occasions I can’t resist a vintage teacup – but at home I prefer my tea out of a mug. I have a mug from New York, with an illustration of a dog walker walking every possible type of dog. Tea always tastes best out of it.

Paris or Rome? Rome – it’s the lure of pasta and ice cream. I also love the Audrey Hepburn film Roman Holiday and it would be fun to retrace her steps.
Tea at the Ritz or a West End Show? Are you offering? Tea at the Ritz please! I’ve always wanted to do that.

Cupcakes or Cookies? Cookies are better for dunking in tea, I find – so they come out on top.

Bargain Hunt or Dickenson’s Real Deal? I can’t resist Bargain Hunt. As I work from home I try to pretend daytime TV doesn’t exist (far too much temptation), but I sometimes make an exception for this, in the name of ‘research’.
Champagne or Chocolates? I love a bit of fizz – it turns even a small event with friends into a real celebration.

Thank you for answering all of our questions, Vanessa. The Vintage Teacup Club comes out tomorrow. Just enough time to pop out to the shops, buy some cake and join Vanessa on publication day!

Belgian buns, that’s vintage, right? Off to the shop to go and get some. Maybe if I take some to the little, brown offices they’ll let me in again?

The Vintage Teacup Club can be purchsed here and you can find Vanessa on twitter: @VanessaGBooks

Catherine x

A Celebration Of Writing Companions

Do you have someone or something that keeps you company while you tap away at the keyboard? Today we thought we’d celebrate our writing companions. Meet the pets/mascots that keep The Romaniacs in check during their writing day:

Laura: Apart from a selection of animal toys my children have scattered on my desk, I have two real-life cats, Ringo and Daisy. They are not the sort of cats to sit on my desk when I am writing, but the blanket of fur covering my keyboard and printer each morning suggests they are moonlighting.

Ringo is the white and black cat and Daisy is the black and white cat. They decided to live with us, Daisy moving in a year before Ringo. He wasn’t keen on the idea of being snipped and chipped.

We adore them, they make us laugh and they keep me company late at night when the other humans have gone to bed and I’m getting some words down.

Celia: I’ve also got cats but only one of them – Arthur – is relaxing enough to write alongside. Just looking at him spreadeagled on the floor (or the table if he can get away with it) is usually enough to make me feel quite mellow but ready for work. 

Here he’s pictured in party mood and  reclining while he decides what to watch on TV. I also have a wonderful mouse mat with a picture of a Bavarian meadow and a cloud-topped mountain – it reminds me of a great holiday and inspires me to write settings involving German sausages and foaming pints of beer – food porn?

Liz: Four years ago, I accidentally bought a cat. Luckily
for me – it was one of my best accidents.  I’d visited a
pet rescue centre to look at kittens and there were lots of them but one in particular caught my eye. He was a little bundle of fluff with big furry ears and bright frightened eyes, shaking in the corner as a dog sniffed around him. Without thinking I scooped him up and the moment I felt his little heart racing inside his shivers, I knew I had to
take him home. So I did.

I didn’t have anything prepared for him and it was late at night so after shooting to the local supermarket and
discovering they didn’t sell litter trays, we had to improvise.  And that’s how Ralphus the cat ended up peeing in a bright red ceramic roasting tray for the first few days of his new life.

Ralph makes me laugh all the time and the little adventures of his life, like the one above, always inspire me to write.

Jan: I don’t have any pets (apart from Mr B, of course!) but I am surrounded by lots of fluffy and some not so fluffy writing buddies who’ve witnessed me whooping with joy when the words flow, to slumping, head held in hands, when they don’t.  I’m sure if they could talk, they’d have a few stories to tell

  These three trusty companions (or gonks as my niece calls them) reside on the base of my PC. Everything has a name in The Brigden household (I’m not really a big kid. Honest! )From left to right : Bella Ladybird (lord knows why, it just seemed like a good name at the time) Kiki, my little fluffy Koala who an ex-boss brought back from Oz for me, and Fluff, who is, well, an orange stripey ball of fluff!

Then there is Dougal, who hangs on the back of the kitchen door, who I can see from where I sit at my PC. My neighbour brought him back from Scotland for me. He’s supposed to be a carrier bag holder but I’ve never used him as such.  So, none of them pets exactly, but still loveable…                 

Trevor & Arnold

Catherine: I’m with Jan on this. I love the idea of having a pet and we’ll have one in the future, but for now it’s fluffy companions that keep me company. In the picture are the travelling companions: Arnold the travelling hedgehog and Trevor the travelling wombat. They came all around the world with us when we went travelling for our honeymoon. Here they can be seen with a friend they made: a camel in India. These days they stay at home and keep me company along with Binky Boy, Bertie the Bee, Ted the Puffin and so many more!

Sue : I wouldn’t necessarily say that my dog, Tess, is my writing companion but she certainly keeps me company on our daily walks. She is slightly mad, but then most labradors are. However, at over nine years old, she really could do with acting her age, which in dog years I make that 63.  She has her posh Kennel Club name of Kilmiltry Belle Dame but at home she’s plain old Tess (although she answers to pretty much anything, ‘Stupid’ being a particular favourite).

Lucie : My writing companions are my pets, Dame and Jerry. Dame is an English Bull Terrier and we have had her since she was 6 weeks old. This June, she turned 7! Dame hasn’t always been a writing companion as I used to work upstairs in the spare room, but since I have had a shift of rooms and moved downstairs into the conservatory, she has taken up residence under my desk.

Jerry was an Easter present for my daughter last year. She had been asking for a kitten for so long and we finally caved in April last year and got a teeny tiny black and white kitten who was about 4 weeks old – and a mischievous little thing! Nearly 18 months later and Jerry isn’t so little, but is twice as mischievous!  He also decided to take up residence underneath my desk …

Luckily, they are best friends so Dame doesn’t mind sharing.

Vanessa: We got Fred earlier this year after we lost out lovely grey cat, Trevor. We went to the cat adoption centre determined to get another girl cat (yes, Trevor was a girl) and definitely a kitten. No grown-up boy cats for us. But they didn’t have any kittens and they made us walk past all the grown-up cats… and Fred chose us. He was so friendly and pretty we couldn’t say no, so we came away with a one-year-old boy cat. They warned us it could take him a while to settle, that he might be wary, he might hide under furniture and be scared of us for a good few weeks. This photo is Fred at the end of his first day with us. I think he looks fairly relaxed…

But is he a good writing companion? Hmmm… the problem with Fred is he likes sitting on my laptop. It gets nice and warm and he seems to find it a very cosy place to settle. Several times, I’ve found pages of random letters and gobbledygook in my writing – whether it’s his attempt to communicate or just some accidental typing as a result of bottom shifting, I’m not sure. He’s a lovely cat and none of us can imagine the house without him in it – and if he works on his typing skills, he may end up very useful as a writing companion…

Debbie: In January we had to have our old boy, Simba, put to sleep. 

Simba was my constant writing companion and used to attach himself to my feet like my sloppiest, comfiest pair of slippers. 

Oh, how he used to smell. But I didn’t mind his smell…or his snoring. He snored marginally less than my ex (and never betrayed my good nature!)

It was hard to imagine any dog could replace the gaping hole he left…

However, we’ve been blessed. A dear friend’s dog had pups and she approached me about a year ago to ask whether I’d be interested. My ex wouldn’t let us have a second dog and I knew Simba probably wasn’t long for here so we went for it and got ‘Bruno.’ For a few short months, Grandpa Simba showed him the ropes and protected him. In return, Bruno tormented his mentor, mercilessly hanging off his ears, clambering all over him and not allowing him to sleep. But Simba never complained, right up until the end…  

It may sound silly – they were very different dogs; different body weights, different colours etc and it may be just Labrador traits, but it sometimes feels as if Bruno is Simba re-incarnated. He has so many of Simba’s characteristics and little ways. Yet if anything, Bruno is even more sensitive to my moods and foibles as he keeps me company at the laptop and when I walk, mulling and musing over plots and writing projects.

I still miss Simba terribly but thank my lucky stars every day that we found Bruno boy who has brought us so much joy these last months, and whom I know will continue to support me through my writing journey! 

So what about you? Do you have a pet or otherwise that keeps you company whilst you write? If you do, please tell us about them…