Guest Post by Nic Tatano, Men and Sex – what they really think

I recently blogged about whether women could write sex scenes from a male point of view. (Click here for post) It caused a lot of interest and responses, mostly from women, although we did have one man join in the conversation.

Since then, I have been in touch with author Nic Tatano and he is here today, adding some light on the subject. Over to you, Nic …

So, the question was posed as to what men think about during sex. I can only imagine the eye rolls from those of you who may have had a relationship with a man who became molecularly bonded at the sub-atomic level to a reclining chair. (If you’re currently dating one of these human-furniture hybrid slugs, run.) But, as a guy who writes romance, I might be able to offer a little perspective.

Before said perspective, you should know the boundaries. I’ve been married to a wonderful woman for 24 years, and what happens between us will always remain private. But over the years I’ve come to realize there are two types of men: the relationship guys, and the sex guys.

You see, there’s a great dividing line when it comes to “guy talk.” Relationship guys never, ever discuss sexual details about the women they love. A relationship guy understands the sacred bond that goes with commitment and the fact that the woman he loves would not appreciate having her abilities in the bedroom plastered on the verbal equivalent of a bathroom wall.

Sex guys hold nothing back, because they don’t really understand the difference between having sex and making love. To them, the latter doesn’t even exist. (It should be noted that on rare occasions a sex guy can turn into a relationship guy when he gets through puberty and reaches the age of maturity, which is approximately thirty-five.) The sex guys think nothing of sharing the details of their own sexual prowess (which always approaches that of a porn star) and the attributes of the women they are dating (which always approaches that of a porn star.)

From high school locker rooms to college dorms to late night poker games, I’ve heard it all. While this chatter may loosely fall into the “kiss and tell” category, it lacks any romantic elements. Typical comments from sex guys are the following:

Describing a woman: “She has (wildly descriptive adjective) (body parts) better than (name of famous supermodel) and (other body parts) that won’t quit.”

Describing sex with said woman: “I tell ya, this woman could (service provided by prostitute) better than (metaphor possibly involving household appliance.)

Anyway, back to the original question. What are men thinking? Let’s get to the sex guys first:


1. Damn, her roommate is really hot. I wonder if she’d like to join us?

2. Did I set the DVR for the game?

3. If I close my eyes, I can imagine I’m with Nicole Kidman.

4. I think continental drift moves faster than she does.

5. You know, I always say I wouldn’t throw a woman out for eating crackers in bed, but I never knew getting salt in my crack would be this uncomfortable.

6. What was her name again?

7. I wonder if she has any beer…

8. I’m such a stud.

9. If I close my eyes, I can imagine I’m Henry Cavill.

10. She just called me by her old boyfriend’s name! Eh, whatever. I’m not gonna deal with it now.

As for what the relationship guy is thinking, there’s no answer. He’s simply in love with that special woman, eyes locked, the two becoming one for a few special moments, while the rest of the world does not exist.

But he still remembers to DVR the game.


Nic Tatano‘s novel, Wing Girl was released by Harper Impulse.

Great post, Nic – I’m still working out if I feel enlightened or just had my suspicions confirmed!



17 thoughts on “Guest Post by Nic Tatano, Men and Sex – what they really think

  1. lol! Great post… not sure it helps with writing from the male perspective or not. Maybe it does because all our heroes are in love with the heroines, even if they’re in denial about it, and think they’re just a ‘sex guy’.

  2. HAHA, brilliant post, thank you Nic! I can feel a whole series coming on here called “What Men *Really* Think” although we’d have to get a peek into the mind of the relationship guy. Doesn’t have to be a crass peek, of course, but an insight nonetheless…coz that’s what *we* really want to know. Loving this feature, thank you! XX

  3. I bet all the Sex Guy stuff is true….my only doubt (no offence Nic) is that the Relationship Guy thinks a lot of the same things but Nic doesn’t want to out himself!

  4. I worked in nightclub security for 7 years full time, the guys at work just told me to cover my ears when they talked about women 😀 I’ll never write sex scenes OR from a man’s point of view because I know too much and it would make women readers miserable 🙂 Like the ones who would only come to the club to stalk doormen, they have to be allowed to imagine they’re the exception to the rule… x

  5. Married to a relationship guy and I love it! He usually blushes when I tell him what women talk about sex-wise. Most of us romance writers can keep up with the Sex Guy chatter no praaablem! LOL Great post, Nic!

  6. That made me laugh, Nic; oddly I was watching a movie called ‘Weekend’ on DVD last night which featured a sex guy in full flow, you were spot on with the banter he was coming out with. I don’t think a conquest would want to be a fly on that dude’s wall. Really good to read a piece like this from a male perspective 🙂

  7. LOL! I’ve done a good bit of research in this area…wait, that didn’t come out right. Let me rephrase. I was writing a scene from the male POV. Said male was a nude model, and during a modeling session started thinking warm thoughts about my heroine. Needless to say, an excited occurrence….occurred. So, in my quest to ‘think’ like a man, I asked more than 50 men about their ‘early warning systems’. I only wanted a few words. A descriptive sentence. I got NO answers other than pounding hearts and foggy brains. No offense, but I have a heart and a brain–that part I could figure out. But what I don’t have…well, lets just say even the Sex Guys you mentioned couldn’t give me a straight answer, pardon the pun!

    Great post!

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