It’s timely that it should be my turn to post the Lifecycle of a Writer. A month into the New Year and many of my writer friends have been talking about their writing goals for 2015, planning forthcoming publications or plotting ideas for the next story.
However, my only goal this year (so far) is to make it to the end of each day! I’ll be honest; every day is Groundhog Day and I’ve only written 523 words since October.
Sir Winston Churchill suffered with the black dog. My problem is black crows. 
They sit on my right shoulder, pecking and prodding, firmly refusing to leave as I spend endless hours on the laptop, sometimes only managing to produce a meagre sentence or paragraph, which I’ll invariably chew over for hours before consigning to the recycle bin. By the time I’ve finished over-thinking, berating myself and have lost all focus it’s become a self-fulfilling prophecy, proving I have the attention span (as well as creativity) of a gnat,. The crows must be right. No-one’s going to read what I write. I’ll never make it. I’ll never become a published author. Best get back to fannying around on social media or stick some washing in.
So what’s my problem I hear you ask?
There have been times over the last three years or so when I’ve felt like a human battering ram. My Nan (who brought me up from the age of two) died. I underwent major jaw surgery. My husband of twenty-three years left me and our two boys. We had to leave our beloved barn and move house. There was the emotional fallout for the boys alongside my own grief and the utter helplessness of our situation. Add to that money worries, the divorce, my ongoing health problem, my youngest son developing similar health issues … and oh, yes; as if that’s not enough, we now have the builders in, trying to make the house more practical so I can manage better and stay here.
As I type this I can see it’s hardly surprising I’m overwhelmed. I have brain overload. Some people may be able to write their way through their troubles but I can’t when there’s so much going on in my head.
The one thing (as well as the Romaniacs) that keeps me going is the thought of my Nan sitting on my other shoulder, squaring up to take on those crows. Like Jiminy Cricket, she is my conscience, constantly jibbing, jabbing and gesturing, spurring me on. I can hear her now.
‘Ok, you’re having a tough time of it. So do a lot of people. There’s always someone worse off than you. We all have our crosses to bear. You’re having a crisis of confidence? You’re a writer. It goes with the territory. There’s nothing wrong with failing. It’s better than not trying. Didn’t I always tell you, you can do anything you want, if you set your mind to it? Writer’s block is a state of mind. If you want this that much you need to stop procrastinating. Nobody else can make it happen. Now get yourself a notepad and make a list of all your goals, work out a plan and FOCUS. Finish one project before you start another! Set aside some time every day, even if it’s only half an hour, and write every day. Writers write. It doesn’t matter what you write. Just write.’
Because part of me, deep within, still dares to ‘Believe,’ as she drummed in me so many times, I’m hanging in there. Nan was always right. There’s no such word as, ‘Can’t’ and one thing’s for sure; if I keep doing the same thing, I’m going to keep getting the same results. And a dream is just a wish without a plan.
So, what do you do, when you’re not in the mood to write?
Until next time, warm wishes to you all and happy writing!
Debbie x
The Romaniacs 
Thanks for sharing that, Debbie.
I’m amazed that you manage to get up in the morning, let alone write something, anything!
Listen to your Nan. You’re doing great.
Aww, thank you, June for your kind and supportive words. It’s tough some days but I’m surrounded by lovely people who care and Nan watches over me, I’m sure.
Debbie
xx
Debbie – Thsnk you. That’s some load you’ve had to bear. When I’m not in the mood, I cook or tidy up my study. Or just write anything, just letting your mind flow. Once you find the story you really have to write, it’ll take you over. Good luck. In writing, success breeds success; believe in yourself.
I love that, Lizzie. I’ve always liked the saying, ‘Success breeds success.’
I do believe. My Nan believed. Thank you for reminding me. xx
Your gran sounds like she was a very sensible, lovely lady. I hope you’re able to manage to get some writing done and hopefully soon you’ll see the back of the builders and be able to do it in your newly decorated house.
My Nan was a formidable lady, Georgina! Thank you. I hope I’ll be able to get to some writing soon. I have a building site of a dining area. There is bare brick and plaster dust everywhere but I can visualise the dining table in the corner of the room, a chair on the other side and the french door open letting the spring/summer breeze through. xx
Gosh, Debbie, you’ve really been through the mill, haven’t you? I’m not surprised you struggle to write, at times.
I’m not one of those people who can write through my troubles, either. And sometimes, trying to put pen to paper on my own “Black Dog Days” just adds to the pressure. I’ve learned to back away and be kind to myself on those days. Ideas still swirl around my head, so I’m still working on the book – I’m just not physically writing it down.
I hope things improve for you very soon. Your post today really touched me. Your writing is lovely. xx
Sharon, it’s so kind of you to respond and for your supportive words. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who can’t write through their troubles. I spend too much time beating myself up, trying to give myself a good talking to and to get a grip! You’re right – those should be the days I cut myself some slack and do something I enjoy instead of flogging a dead horse. Thank you
Debbie xx
Nan’s know best! You need to be kind to yourself and part of that is allowing yourself to write rubbish. You can edit it later and then you’ll have a sense of achievement and realise that, in spite of all the difficulties, you still have some control. Take time to do something pleasing, even if it’s only watching a sunset with your children while you have a relaxing cup of tea.
Sending you hugs. x
[…] issues and domestic chaos I’ve encountered these last three or four years. But as I mentioned in my last Life Cycle post, “If I keep doing the same thing, I’m going to keep getting the same results.” So, what have I […]